Expert as a palsy victim doing brain surgery with a pipe wrench

Reason #42 why my computer should be fitted with a breathalyser

2009-04-19T01:52:28Z

Draft saved 18 April 2009 at 2:48 a.m.
To:

mike****@gmail.com
Subject: hi
hey sir monkey

firsty, do not panic, i am not stalking you. i have a (very successsful) policy of deleting boys (yes i mean mens) phone numbers to avoid durnk dialling and booty calling, but alas once you stayed logged in to gmail on my comp and i have an unfortunately excellent memory. (and no, i didn't read you emails)

just wanted to say can we please act like adults next time we are in the same place at the same time and just say hi? because it's a small city and i like hanging out with d's friends sometimes so no doubt we will run into each other again. it was just a bit shit you not even saying hi tonight. i wouldnt have bitten. i wasn't lying when i said no hard feeling s and i think you're a great guy.

i know you're probably as awkeward about everything as i am but it's worse to ignore each oterh than to try and talk. Also, yOu were looking godd, but woudlnt have tried to jump you.

that is pretty much all. i think your freiend Gav is hot.

From Hannah

ps - i heard a story about a deaf mute CAmbodian prostitute? fucking funny, man. hope she was clean. you';ve probably heard through the garpevine by now that condoms areen't all they are cracked upt o be. dodged a bullet there huh?

*Slightly edited - apparently the no hard feelings thing is not entirely true, because the original includes some very immature and in fact patently false digs at size/skill if you catch my drift. I am all class when I'm drunk and emotional.

Thank God I typed the email address wrong. Funny thing is, I woke up in the morning and must have still been a bit under the weather because emailing Mike still seemed like a good idea. Luckily I had enough sense to seek a second opinion and Dunja talked me out of it.

I just had been doing so well before we ran into him and his friends on Friday night. We were going up to the Southern Cross after dinner - the boys were going for dinner after having been there and our paths crossed on the way. I didn't see him until D stopped to talk to some of the guys - and I saw him a bit further down the road with his back to us, waiting for the others to catch up. Seriously - did he think I wouldn't see? He was wearing his favourite jacket. He's pretty distinctive looking. Nice.

So we thought they would come back after dinner since he obviously didn't want to see me, but he must have been vetoed because they were back at SoCro an hour later. He sat as far away from me as he could and didn't so much as make eye contact. When I walked past him he turned his back. Yes, I could have gone over and talked to him, but he stuck in this tight little group of guys, and they would have been watching. I kept next to an empty seat just in case. It just hurt like hell, and I'm not used to being treated like that. I'm not used to things ending without real closure either.

Thing is, he's not used to things ending at all. As D pointed out, in all honesty that's probably the first time he's been in a situation like that. He's awkward with girls at best of times (I should know) and probably just has no idea how to act. So I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and avoiding making a fool out of myself (win/win).

Plan for next time (because there will unavoidably be a next time): just text him (I lied about deleting his number - broke my own policy in his case) and tell him to come say a quick hi.

Yes, thanks D for telling me this now. Apparently when they were in Cambodia for a mate's wedding, the guys let a bartender pick out girls for each of them. Mike didn't realise his was a deaf mute until the morning, when she started furiously scribbling prices with a pen on his hand.

That is kind of funny, and I do realise that boys will be boys - especially on holiday. And it was before I met him. But I have such strong feelings about prostitution - especially in Asian countries, where the women actually have no say in their situation and are majorly exploited. If she had only told me beforehand, things could well have turned out completely differently. But it's easy to say that now.

I really should stop just updating when things aren't so good - but that's the only time I feel like doing it! On the upside, my house is fantastic and I like my housemates a lot. I'm feeling a lot more stable than I have felt in a long time.

Musings on the future...

2007-06-29T13:53:26Z

Well, I finished my degree last week. No more study for now. Got a new job with the bank as an invesments specialist and they've got me training for that on the days I'm not working in my current job, and I start with them fulltime in about two weeks. It's not a massive pay rise but just moving to fulltime work will make me feel exceedingly rich after my part time salary.

Things to buy with newfound bags of money:

GHD straighteners
New corporate wardrobe. The old stuff's from 2004 when I was in my post-America, ate-too-many-bagels, 10-kg-too-heavy state, so I need some stuff that fits. Might see if I can downsize a little more first though, which leads me to...
Gym membership

Things to pay off:

Student loan
Maxed credit card

Things to save for:

House deposit
Next degree

Yes, I think I'm being a little ambitious too, but dreams are free. I've pretty much decided to go to law school in a few years' time, because I've realised I want a house and financial stability and independence and it turns out you can't have those things in this country without a way-above-average salary.

Other option: move to the UK for a while. Or I could do both. Law actually appeals a lot, and I think I'd do well at it.

I've decided it's stupid how people, and in particular women, wait until they've found someone to move in with/marry before sorting their shit out. Seriously, some of the girls I work with spend all their money on clothes and beauty treatments, presumably to get a rich guy. Imagine if they saved all that money, they could be set up for life. That's my plan. I'm not quite sure how the GHDs fit into that. Unless... well, I get taken more seriously at work when my hair's not in its insane natural state. Yes, that's it. I'm sure they're an investment which will pay off in no time.

And hey, I just pretty much don't want to wait for a man to help me with anything. I want to settle down eventually, but I don't want to ever need anyone. Some people think this is my downfall, but I love how I am. And whoever I end up with long-term is going to have to be very open-minded and non-traditional, because I plan to be earning more than him and there will have to be some serious negotiation around any baby plans. This is why I had to quit the church-going - nice people, nice talk, but so much shit about marriage and child-rearing being the ultimate fulfilment. I mean, good for everyone who has a family and is happy, but why should they dictate that lifestyle as an ideal? Everyone is not the same. It's like feminism never happened (I mean, started). They live in this wee time warp, and they're proud of it.

People also like to say things about getting to the end of life and realising that what really matters is love and that work and achievements are a waste of time in comparison. Propaganda. Like we can't have both?

I really shouldn't think about things too much, because I come up with all these theories which make all kinds of sense to me but can lead others to believe I'm a nut job. I won't mention these. Paul's lurking, which means he wants his computer back.

Birthday tomorrow, which explains everything.

ranger_bernie @ 2007-02-03T02:30:00

2007-02-02T13:30:58Z

I'm not sure why Firefox asks me if I want to restore from my saved draft if it's not going to restore either way. Also, I'm not sure what the draft would say. I don't remember starting an entry lately.

Lately I've been living life a little too much to sit down and blog-ify it. It's kind of nice, really. There have been golf and music festivals and surfing (really) and running and drinking and barbequeing (sp?) and reading and swimming and drinking and a little bit of crying and also some drinking. It's my way of getting back at Abby: being too busy to see her. Funny how this flatmate bust-up has been worse than any boy trouble I've ever had.

My favourites were the golf and the surfing. I've been visiting home a lot with my brothers being back for summer, and my attempts to share their interests have been obsession-inducing. Every day, I want to do one or the other, or both, to the point where they've told me to stop being so hyperactive. I also wanted to get some motorcycle lessons in there, but I think they've had about enough of me now.

Working five days this week, like a normal person. Except for the whole Friday-through-Tuesday, four-til-twelve bit. I'm just about over this midweek weekend business. Also, it's bloody near impossible to get annual leave for weekend shifts - I applied two weeks ago for leave in April for my dad's 50th, and no can do apparently. As for Julie's 21st next Saturday, I know it's not even worth trying. Might be time for another set of sickies.

Should sleep.

Last weekend in Hamilton was fun. Fell in love with Dave Dobbyn all over again, in the pouring rain, had to retreat to the campsite due to the freezing. Yeah, summer. Might have fallen out of love with Shaun. Hard to say, but it's a nice idea. He told me he's a reformed man (his exact words), apologised for something or other I couldn't get him to pin down - for the life of me I can't think of anything he's done that he would realise made me unhappy - and then said he's now on the lookout for a proper girlfriend (again, verbatim. Proper as in not a whore, I'm guessing). And it seemed like he wanted me to be that proper girlfriend, but I was for the first time not interested. Might be related to Alex being back from Mexico, I guess.

I mean, seriously, how hot is a man who goes to Mexico for the summer to work in an orphanage?

And plays the didgeridoo?

And is actually hot?

I have to keep him.

And speaking of boys, apparently David's going to propose to Tagi when he goes to Samoa to meet her family this month. Sickeningly romantic. Not sure if I want her to say yes. Not that it's up to me, or anything to do with me, but I feel like either way he's likely to end up crying. From what I've seen of their relationship, she calls the shots and will drop anything to catch a flight when her mother calls and is very easily offended, and he expects her to change once things get official. While I'm all for cultural differences, personality differences are less easily resolved, and I think he's confusing the two.

Holy shit, I think I'm called to be a relationship guru.

It's true, life is good.

2006-02-07T04:10:32Z

The best thing has happened. Ellen is finally screening in NZ!
Just in case I needed a reason to watch daytime TV.

ranger_bernie @ 2006-01-24T11:41:00

2006-01-23T22:41:49Z

Things I'm happy about today:

1) I have so many episodes of South Park on my iRiver which I have yet to see.

2) Camp went well. Highlight was probably peeling the sunburnt skin off Cahn's back and sticking it on Alex's face. I'm covered in bruises from our crazy games, and my workmates think I have an abusive boyfriend. Also, I got fish sauce put in my hair.

3) No work now for ten days.

4) I'm going to Parachute this weekend.

5) My third car works better than the second, though it's not as great as the first.

ranger_bernie @ 2006-01-14T01:16:00

2006-01-13T12:31:14Z

Man, everyone seems to be posting about how many amazing books they've read lately. It makes me feel quite inadequate. I posted a list of what I read in 2005 on my Diaryland blog a while back, and there were 24 books on it. 15 of those were required reading for uni, and four of the others I didn't even finish. And, to be honest, I probably only finished half of the required ones as well.

I suck ass at reading. This is quite unfortunate for a literature student. I like reading, and I love words, but I'm missing some kind of focus chip in my brain. It took me four months to read The Corrections, just because I kept forgetting I had a book on the go. And I loved it, but for weeks it kept sitting with a page folded over at the bottom of my locker at work.

I miss when I used to be able to read a novel in a day. I also miss when I used to paint and sculpt and write. I don't think I'm creative any more - the other day I pulled out a canvas and my acrylics, but the paint wouldn't go on right. I got frustrated and quit, and now I have the start of an incredibly ugly self portrait sitting on the easel in the corner of my room. Who wants to look at a hideous picture of themselves? I turned it around so it faces the wall.

Perseverance is a good thing, they say.

Anyway, I'm doing a camp at Palm Grove next week. This is the best thing to happen in months. A week of sun (I hope) and sport and crazy Kiwi games involving rotten food will be so, so grand. I'll have to go to work a couple of nights, which sucks, and so I'll be exhausted, but whatever.

Mishal's 21st tomorrow. Should be good.

ranger_bernie @ 2005-12-28T14:24:00

2005-12-28T01:49:29Z

I swear Christmas is always the same in this family. I love it, and I love my crazy relatives (mostly). I love our traditional Boxing Day test match (ie. barefoot touch match at the park followed by a trip to the beach when we overheat) the most.

One thing though - if anything can make you paranoid about never marrying and never having kids, it's my two single aunts. Seriously, they're so morose. Every year, they show up, drink lots of champagne, complain about life and fall asleep. They remind me of Marge's sisters on the Simpsons.

Also, just before I took off for work on Christmas Eve (nice timing, Dad!) I get the news that Grandad's probably not going to last another year. Kidney failure, and when you're 80 and have had two heart attacks, apparently it's not as simple as doing a Jonah Lomu, having a transplant and getting back on the rugby field the next season. He's going on dialysis, but he's dying and you can tell. I've never experienced a family member dying, and I don't feel ready to, but I guess nobody ever does. Enough of that!

My gift list isn't so very exciting seeing as the one thing I wanted was for my parents to pay for my new glasses. Oh-so-practical, but I love them so much I've only worn my contacts once since I got them. The gift of sight. Pete got me my favourite perfume (okay, the only one that doesn't give me a migraine when I wear it), and I got various books, CDs and jewellery items I don't particularly like. My family still hasn't figured out the concept of gift exchange cards.

I worked Boxing Day night - it was horrible dragging myself off to work on such a nice day, but it was so quiet and I decided I really can't ever complain about getting paid $40 an hour to read a book. Hooray for double pay and a day in lieu. I should do it more often!

Yesterday Abby, Stef and I spent most of the day at the beach - I hadn't been yet this summer, and it was so nice. I bought a new swimsuit, and now I'm going a delicious toasty shade of tan.

My friends are all going camping for a few days over New Year. I'm working, so I'll only get to go for the last night they're planning on being there for - and I fully predict they'll pike before then.

Everyone have an excellent New Year!

ranger_bernie @ 2005-12-20T13:06:00

2005-12-20T00:26:18Z

I know it's all a ruse to get us to think we're appreciated and all, but it really is nice to get a gift basket from work at Christmas. It kinda makes me feel like it's a proper job. Plus, I've never been given wine before (besides that cheap pink bubbly everyone knows I love) so that doubles the grown-up points.

Also, I started on the email system last night, and it was so nice to get off the phones. There's something about just writing a reply to somebody's question, without them talking in circles and telling me I don't know what I'm talking about. Plus it's incredibly satisfying not being able to action most of the customer requests because they don't give the right information. I love saying "no" at work; I don't do it enough in real life.

Dad and I decided to sell the car I just bought. It all looked good when we picked it, but when we got the mechanic to check it he said there are a lot of little things wrong with it. Now begins the not-so-exciting-anymore task of finding another one. Three times in two months. Is it too much to ask to just have a car of my own that goes? To have it for more than two weeks?

Anyhow, I had the most excellent weekend. Sunburn and swimming and a lot of beautiful topless boys were all factors in this. The present I ordered for Pete arrived yesterday - a very classy set of clay poker chips in an aluminium carry case - and I want to keep it. We're planning a poker night with port and cigars, because we're all so gentlemanly. I have to stop with the poker already.

I finally went to Harry Potter, and it was fabulous. Krum was so hot. I really have to get the new book too, while I have time to read it over summer. Anything to stop me playing Shaun Palmer on Playstation, anyway. Or watching Seventh Heaven at noon each day (I can't resist it).

ranger_bernie @ 2005-12-17T01:08:00

2005-12-16T12:43:13Z

There was a big tin of crackers in the pantry, and it's now on my lap. I'm eating all the good ones. Sucks to be the next person who gets a cracker craving in this house.

I went to a new optometrist yesterday, which was exciting. I felt guilty for changing, but the chain ones in the mall are so much cheaper than the independent one I've been going to for years (BAD Hannah, putting small businesses out of customers). This one also had a young English optician, and the entire time he was hovering around my eyes with that tiny torch, half of me was wondering when he was going to move in for the kill (or hoping he would). I know it's his job and all, but guys just don't tend to be in my face that much unless they're about to, or want to, suck it. He smelt nice. Highly recommend.

Also, am I the only one who finds eye exams enormously fun? I wish I could go to the eye doctor every day and read those little letters. Strange for someone who avoids the real doctor for years at a time.

I'm supposed to be picking up a queen-size bed tomorrow - Johanna's getting me to babysit hers for a year (until, I suspect, it becomes necessary again when she marries Thomas, which is so totally going to happen). I have no room at all for it. My room is huge, but it's just so full of stuff. I tried to clear a space today, but got nowhere in two hours. I guess I'll resort to the tried-and-true method of picking up armfuls of junk and putting it all on the couch, and on the desk, and on the existing bed.

My car was supposed to be fixed - I took it to the mechanic on Monday and the tyre place on Wednesday (so brave of me; those places are terrifying), but still it stalls when I brake. I have to take it for its warrant next week - argh!

I finally checked my student record the other day, and I got A-s (that so looks like it should have an apostrophe... must resist) for both courses. I'm pretty happy, but I'm thinking I should start taking my lecturers' suggestions on board and start really thinking about my essays rather than just churning them out. It would be nice to finish school on a really, really good year rather than a winging-it one.

I finished all the good crackers now.

Abe and I are going flat-hunting soon. Her friend Kate wants to live with us too, which could be kind of interesting. I used to sort of be friends with her, but haven't had anything to do with her in years. In fact, we were in a class together second semester, and we successfully ignored each other three days a week. It's not that I have anything against her, and obviously she has no problem with me, but how are we supposed to go from ignoring each other to sharing a house? Hmm, I say.

I think we need boy flatmates. Living with girls didn't work so well for me last time.

ranger_bernie @ 2005-12-09T11:35:00

2005-12-08T23:06:21Z

Dad, Caleb and I went on the pilgrimage across to the car auctions again last night. My new car doesn't make me as happy as the first one did. It's not in as good a condition - the paint's been scraped off the passenger door, but Dad assures me he'll get that fixed up very soon. Also, on the way home three times when I braked, the engine stopped. That's not supposed to happen, I'm sure, but again Dad says it's easily fixed.

Otherwise, I like it. It drove well, when it was driving. It'll do me well, but I said I'm not driving it until it's fixed. There just wasn't much to choose from last night, and if I didn't get one then I would have had to wait weeks until we both had an afternoon off again.

I'm trying not to be disappointed, because it's so generous of my parents to buy me this car. The first one was such an amazing buy, and the cars going for that price this time just weren't as good. When Mum and Pete were checking it out when I got it home, I started crying. Getting another car sort of eliminates any hope I might have had that I'll get the other one back. I worked so hard to save for the Mitsubishi, and I loved it, and now because some shithead thought they needed it more than me, I've got something less than what I worked for.

Again, I hate myself for getting worked up over possessions, but if you'll excuse the cliche it really isn't just my car that got taken. It's the feeling of pride and satisfaction I had for working hard to get myself a good, practical car. When I look at the new one, I just feel disappointed and angry. It's the vague sense I always had that because I'm not a bad person, because I do so much stuff for other people, maybe I deserve for good things to happen to me. No matter how often people told me life's not fair, I guess I never quite believed it until now.

I'm also incredibly pissed off that the police didn't believe me when I said my key got stolen. I read in the paper this week that they caught a 14-year-old boy who's been stealing keys and then coming back for the cars. They'd better damn well be asking that kid some questions about my car.

ranger_bernie @ 2005-12-09T11:20:00

2005-12-08T22:31:57Z

Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is.

Disclaimer: any crap songs mentioned are Peter's or Caleb's.

How many songs: 1861 - i went on a deleting spree last week.
Sort by song title:
Fist Song: (i'm not your) stepping stone - sex pistols
Last Song: zoe jane - staind

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: short attention span - fizzy bangers (8 seconds)
Longest Song: god fearing man - ben harper

Top Seven Most Played Songs:
1. with my own two hands - ben harper
2. jacqueline - franz ferdinand
3. sunday bloody sunday - u2
4. politik - coldplay
5. american idiot - greenday
6. stockholm syndrome - muse
7. army - blair giles

First song that comes up on Shuffle:
sunset (bird of prey) - fatboy slim

Search ....
"sex", how many songs come up? 38 (not because i hunt down sex songs, but because i happen to have sex pistols and rhcp's blood sugar sex magik)
"death", how many songs come up? 4
"love", how many songs come up? 61
"you", how many songs come up? 198

ranger_bernie @ 2005-12-07T00:12:00

2005-12-06T11:10:45Z

Things that make me laugh right now:

1 - Peter. Damn, it's good having him back. Nobody else has our strange sense of humour.

2 - Scott Stapp (of Creed) trying to make a comeback without changing his musical style, leather pants or too-serious melodramatic videos. Does he really think it's going to work second time round?

(Yesterday I was wondering whatever happened to him, then I saw him on C4. I love coincidences like that).

3 - American Dad.

In that order.

Uhm. Trying to remember when I last wrote. I guess it was before training last week? So, I did two half-days of training for the email system at work. Tuesday was excellent because we had four hours of training then our hour-long team meeting (our team leader was away so we just went to Starbucks, the devil seven-dollar-panini coffee shop) before starting work. That left two and a half hours of actual work to be done. Days like that are all good! So, I sent off my post-course assessment yesterday and if all goes well, I'll get some days off the phone now. Hallelujah. (sp?)

Also, I got Rebecca to almost agree to swap the day of the Big Day Out with me in January, so was totally stoked until I realised that Friday's in the week I said I'd help out with a camp. Dilemma. Iggy and the Stooges, the White Stripes and Franz Ferdinand or... children? I might just shoot off from camp on the Thursday night.

Speaking of children, I fed and burped a baby for the first time in my entire life on Sunday. It was the most boring thing I've ever done. If I ever have children, there had better be some good TV shows on at feeding time. I did stop short of changing her nappy - that's clearly what her father is there for.

I'm tired, but I don't want to go down to the sleepout. I unfortunately watched a scary movie and now I can't face going outside in the dark to my room. Looks like I'm sleeping in the house tonight!

ranger_bernie @ 2005-11-29T01:40:00

2005-11-28T12:36:08Z

Still feeling sorry for myself. Bad week. People keep telling me I'm depressing at the moment. Ha! Because I'm usually Little Miss Sunshine?

However, Abby claims Friday was the best day of my life. She may be right. When you're having a shit week/fortnight/month, a good day seems more than good. Even objectively, it was quite an excellent day. It started with a five-hour picnic with Abe, Nicole and Sarah. We ate barbecue chip and chicken sandwiches and lolly cake, and then played on the slide and picked all the best roses in the park. Then I went home, straightened my hair, painted my nails a whorish shade of red and generally made myself look fabulous, just in case Mr. Grohl spotted me. Ha.

The gig was sooo amazing. The D4 opened, and I love them. Me and Abe ditched Tara and her boy, which worked well. And I was planning to be all low-key and cool, but when the Foo Fighters came on I definitely went crazy. I emerged at the end soaked in sweat (definitely not all mine) and beer, and with bruised shins and a cut on my forehead. Nobody taller than 5'2" knows how much your ass gets kicked when you're short and in a crowd. My boobs kept popping out - note to self: no wearing low-cut tanks anymore. I didn't make out with any of the boys who tried it on. The best night in a long time, all round. I needed a blow-out.

Added to my list of people I have no respect for: girls who wear heels in standing general admission. Stupidheads.

I'm working a lot this week, and have training the next two days. Sucks that all the shifts are swapped ones, so I won't get extra pay. I'm still trying to get the Big Day Out day off. My hands are feeling OOS-ey. I should go to bed.

ranger_bernie @ 2005-11-22T12:29:00

2005-11-22T00:09:04Z

My parents are fantastic. They offered to buy me another car so that I can just work on paying off the first one. I secretly assumed all along that they would eventually offer if I didn't act too "poor me" about things - devastated but endearingly optimistic always did work as a way to get them on side! So yeah, that's a big weight gone. Now I can replace the stuff that was in it, too, rather than worry about saving money.

Replacement driver licences cost $31.10, and they'll make you wait in line for 45 minutes to apply for one. When you get to the front of the queue, the customer service girl will be chewing gum loudly and obnoxiously. That's one of my pet peeves; I hate when I go into a shop and the person at the counter is chewing. Chewing is gross. Also, when I called on Friday to see if the licence place was open on Saturday, nobody answered the first three times, and on the fourth try, the woman just said "no", then hung up. Not even "no, we're only open business days". We sure do know how to treat customers in New Zealand!

Saturday work was crazy. Like, every single bank system was down for several hours that day - EFTPOS, credit cards, online banking, phone banking, our internal systems. Cranky people like to call and abuse us when that happens. I love when they call us "you people": "You people declined my card", "You people locked me out of online banking". Like I'm intrinsically involved with the bank and personally responsible for every problem a person might have. It makes me so happy to tell people on days like that that I can't do anything for them because there's a "scheduled outage". It would be more fun to tell them what's really going on, though - that the system's crashed majorly, our managers are panicking and nobody knows when everything will be fixed. Not to mention that everyone's balances are entirely incorrect. Pandemonium, you might say.

Foo Fighters on Friday! I would be going completely insane if I didn't have that to look forward to. I briefly considered selling my ticket when I saw them going for $300 on TradeMe last week and I needed money, but I realised that would be pretty much selling my entire reason for living! The only dumb thing is that I'm going with Abe and Tara, and they're wanting to meet up with Tara's boyfriend and this other boy I don't have any love for. I may ditch them. I'm sure I'll run into better company there...

ranger_bernie @ 2005-11-19T01:06:00

2005-11-18T12:24:50Z

At risk of sounding like an absolute whinger, I'm absolutely going to whinge. Block your ears if you're not interested.

It keeps getting worse... my second favourite jacket was in the car. My awesome blue Maglite was in there. My yellow Tupperware full of Curiously Strong Peppermints (*ahem* sentimental value, mmkay? I always knew that I'd have a container of mints in my first car; it was the icing on the cake, if you will) too. I thought of all these things yesterday, but only realised today my wallet was gone. Cue cancelling of credit and EFTPOS cards (what kind of thief steals a car but doesn't even try to use the credit card in it? This one, apparently...), ordering of a new driver licence and borrowing cash from Dad. The replacements are costing me over $50. The wallet was special; it was the designer one I bought from Kirks with my birthday money from my 21st. The only thing I'm happy about is that my iRiver wasn't in there. I still have one toy...

I feel like such a loser being sad about stuff. When Dad woke me up in the middle of the night, I was relieved when he told my my car was gone, because the only reason I could think of for him coming down to get me was that someone had died. Now anyone would think someone had... I'm just completely gutted. People keep telling me I'm taking it really well, so obviously I'm a master of the brave face. I'm pissed off because I only had 3rd party insurance - I assumed I'd be more likely to crash than to have my car stolen. Suffice to say, if or when I ever afford a new car, I'll be upgrading my policy! I'm pissed off because it's almost Christmas and I can't even begin to think how I'll be able to buy presents. I'm pissed off that there's no overtime on offer at work when I need the money more than ever.

Thus endeth The Rant: The Sequel.

Happy late birthday, Heather. I forgot, I'm sorry. Love ya!

ranger_bernie @ 2005-11-17T11:27:00

2005-11-16T22:42:55Z

Some champion stole my car in the one hour last night in which both my insomniac father and I were asleep.

Timeline:
11pm - Dad goes to bed.
1am - I go to bed. I walk past the car on my way to the sleepout.
2am - Dad wakes up, goes for walk, sees that my car is no longer there.

Last week, my key inexplicably went missing from my keyring. Everyone told me it must have fallen off. A key does not fall off a keyring. It is taken off. Dad joked when I was ranting about someone taking my key that I'd probably find my car missing in the next few days. Coincidence? The police think so.

I know it's fucking crazy to think that somebody walked into the house, took my car key off its ring and left the TV, computer, stereos, mp3 players and every other thing of value. I'm not expecting CSI, but it would be nice for people to take me seriously. No broken glass suggests no break-in - I know! No, I didn't leave the car unlocked. It was my only thing of worth, for God's sake. I'd had it three weeks. It was my baby.

I hate people today.

Dearest Car Thief,

I've barely paid off half what you stole. I know you don't give a shit, but my insurance doesn't cover theft. If it did, I couldn't even afford to make a claim because I cleaned out my savings paying for registration, insurance and a full tank. I hope you get even less enjoyment out of my car that I got in the short time I had it.

Love,
Me.

ranger_bernie @ 2005-11-15T15:09:00

2005-11-15T02:33:29Z

December 31st is not a public holiday. Just about every day from December 25th to January 3rd is, but New Years Eve is not. Who came up with that stupid idea? That means I have to work till midnight that day. So I figure, if I'm going to see in the new year on the phone, why not sign up to do all the actual public holidays (besides Christmas) and make double pay? I may as well ruin my entire holiday period in the name of paying off my car...

At least work's right by Courtenay Place. It's not like I can't celebrate after I finish.

Abe's applied for design at Massey next year which is excellent news for me. If she gets in, I'll have someone to live with in town. I've been trying to make her move for months. I've also been lent a queen-size bed for a year, which makes me happy. I miss the one Pete stole, and I hate my single.

I had a really good weekend - everyone's arriving back for summer from all the places they've been scattered to, and we had a huge catch-up on Sunday. I especially like having Alex back - he's so much fun! We both love arguing and hate being wrong, so we always have some stupid little fight going on. I always win, because he's bad at picking his fights. It doesn't end happily for anyone who disagrees with me about the spelling of a word.

So, I've been on the computer the entire day, besides my twenty-minute Pilates TV break. No wonder I'm hungry and my wrists hurt!

ranger_bernie @ 2005-11-12T12:40:00

2005-11-12T00:24:31Z

5 years ago I was...
1. In Year 12, and debating whether to drop out of school (really!).
2. Having the worst year of my life.
3. Preparing for Grade 8 group music exam (which we got 94% for).
4. Realising my best friend really wasn't such a good friend.
5. Starting my first season of touch rugby.

1 year ago I was...
1. Just back from America.
2. Looking for a job.
3. In huge debt.
4. Happy.
5. Having loads of fun with my Pram friends at the beginning of summer - river, beach, touch, spa marathons...

Yesterday I was...
1. Stoked that the petrol prices had gone down, as my tank was empty.
2. Really hungry all day - nothing could fill me up.
3. Hating work because nobody fun was there.
4. Starting (and loving) The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen.
5. Thinking about a really strange dream I had the night before, involving the Foo Fighters, a guy from work, and spooning... don't ask.

5 snacks/foods I enjoy...
1. Crackers and hummus (sundried tomato and garlic flavour!)
2. Chips and salsa.
3. Scrambled egg whites on wholegrain toast.
4. Almonds.
5. Cadbury or Whittakers chocolate. Dark.

5 songs I know the words to are... (only five?)
1. Cat Stevens - Father and Son.
2. Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise (ha... I was just thinking about that one yesterday. It used to be so cool!)
3. James Blunt - You're Beautiful.
4. James Taylor/Carole King - You've Got A Friend.
5. Anything by Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, Foo Fighters, Muse, No Doubt, Greenday or Red Hot Chili Peppers. For some reason.

5 things I would do with one million dollars are...
1. Pay off my student loan and car.
2. Donate to aid organisations.
3. Go to Africa and South America.
4. Buy a house.
5. If there's any left, chuck it in a high-interest term deposit. How very dull.

5 favorite TV shows are...
1. 24 (although it has turned into a raft of cultural stereotypes and heroic Americans...)
2. Scrubs.
3. Pilates TV.
4. CSI: Las Vegas.
5. American Dad, South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, and any other hilarious grown-up cartoons.

5 fictional characters I would date....
1. JD from Scrubs.
2. Tyler Durden (either personality, or both) from Fight Club.
3. Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter. I know he's a minor character, and he dies, but he's definitely hot.
4. Optimus Prime (eh, Lynley?). Love that robot love.
5. Derek Vinyard, post-jail, from American History X. Okay, so any character played by Edward Norton.

I rented Fight Club and American Histoy X this week, and had a Norton-fest. I don't know why I like him so much, it's not like he's all that attractive, but he's excellent in those movies. I'm considering placing him on my Top Five Favourite Actors list (which doesn't really exist). I also saw One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Man On The Moon and Whale Rider (finally). I always rent five movies after my last exam to celebrate...

Yeah, life hasn't been all that eventful lately. I love my car, and I've been sorting out all the grown-up stuff like insurance and registration, and not-so-grown-up stuff like new speakers. My new speakers are so bassy it's almost embarrassing. I don't want to be mistaken for a boy-racer.

I'm going to buy shoes with ladybugs printed on them on my way to work today. I've been coveting them for weeks, and they're probably the cutest thing I've ever seen. Very summery. I'm not supposed to buy anything, ever, but I'm making an executive decision to break my own rule. They're worth it!

ranger_bernie @ 2005-11-04T20:00:00

2005-11-04T07:13:33Z

I have a car! I wish you all could hear my "I have a car sitting in the driveway and it's mine, and you don't have one" song. It's quite something. I take out the "you don't have one" part for anyone who does actually have a car. My plan was to get one with the smallest back seat in history, to spite all the people who complained about leg cramps when I drove them in Mum's car, but it didn't really work out that way. I also wish it had a colour. Grey's not much fun, and it makes it a lot harder to name a car when it has no personality - any suggestions most appreciated. I love it though, because it's mine and it's nice to drive.

Secretly I was more happy when this hot young guy won the bidding on a crappy van. He test drove that van about six times in an hour, and he looked so happy in it, so I hoped he'd get it. I cared more about that than my car...

The exam's tomorrow. I've actually done a lot of study for it, for me. That means about three hours, all today. That's okay, though - I've got all As in this course so I think I can just write bullet points and pass, if it comes down to it.

This week I've missed American food more than I've missed anything in my life, and Snoopy just reminded me of that. Goldfish would be the ultimate study snack. And sometimes when I wake up, the only thing I want is a toasted bagel with strawberry cream cheese. But then I think about the American ten kilos, and decide it's probably a good thing we don't have such amazingly delicious dairy spreads here. Olivani it is, then.

Did I mention I bought a car?

ranger_bernie @ 2005-11-03T13:02:00

2005-11-03T00:48:24Z

I've looked forward to November for so long! I don't really know why, but I've had this feeling that November's going to be a good month. Once my exam's over and done with, that is. In two days' time I'll be free! I've almost finished the last book I need to have read (I mean, besides the two I gave up on twenty pages in and decided I just wouldn't write about) and am feeling pretty confident. I've also ordered some books from Real Groovy in anticipation of reading lots over summer - some Jonathan Franzen and Salman Rushdie so I can pick up what I missed from not doing one of the first year papers, and some Oscar Wilde, because I've been meaning to read The Picture of Dorian Gray for so long but haven't managed to find it anywhere else.

This afternoon I'm off to the car auctions, armed with my credit card and my dad. I've never been to an actual auction before; I'm so used to online bidding with TradeMe that I'm secretly terrified of doing that whole waving-a-plastic-thingy-around thing. I'm very excited about the thought of getting my first car though. It's really about time!

Some of you will know about my Texas Hold'em obsession. I came across the worst thing I could ever have discovered before exam time: Party Poker play-money rooms. I've been kicking some serious ass, but I told Abe to call the bank and cancel my credit card if I ever so much as think about playing for real money. So much gambling-addict potential! Also, if anyone asks, I've learned to say I'm a 42-year-old married man, because that's pretty much everybody else who plays. Bad things happened when I mentioned I was a 21-year-old girl... ha. I quadrupled my "money" on one hand today. I pretty much rock.

Pete's home tonight! He's going to be working six days a week while he's back though, so I'll probably never get to see him. I'm still excited though, I miss him lots!

ranger_bernie @ 2005-10-30T01:19:00

2005-10-29T12:36:26Z

My last call tonight was an old woman who gave me advice on my reproductive choices in exchange for my advice to her about term investments: "Don't have any children until you're extremely rich!"... Oh how I love old people. Last night in my sleepy end-of-shift haze I inadvertently took home confidential customer information folded up inside my novel (really), which I then had to smuggle back in today. Oops.

My head hurts a little, and I'm angry I came home to a house with no hummus. I resolutely drove past the McDonalds drive-thru on my way home, planning to eat crackers and hummus instead of a burger. Crackers does not equal crackers and hummus. Luckily, my life is otherwise a solid 7.6 out of 10, so I shall let this one slide. How does a life get rated, anyway? Does answering "straight" to the orientation question raise or lower a score? I guess I could find that out if I took the quiz again - perhaps tomorrow. Victoria University: it makes you think. Ha. Those ads annoyed me tonight. They kept being on when I just wanted something good to watch on my break.

Yeah.

My dad woke me up this morning at 8.30 in a panic that I was going to be late for my morning exam. I also panicked, until I looked at my watch and saw the date. The exam is next Saturday. I knew there was a reason I felt completely unprepared as well as very late. I haven't even finished my reading, let alone started studying.

I think I've finally overcome my exclamation point obsession - there's only one in this entry. That's practically cold turkey, the way I look at it.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.6
Mind:	7.4
Body:	8
Spirit:	8.3
Friends/Family:	5.9
Love:	2.1
Finance:	8.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Hannah needs something worthwhile to devote her time to.

2005-10-24T23:13:51Z

Type "Your Name Needs" into Google and post your five favorites:

Hannah needs to go into the tunnel and face the prisoner.
Hannah needs a home and a good daily walk.
Hannah needs to tell why the library is no longer there.
Hannah needs to apply lots of make-up so she can perform in her latest dramatic role. Someday she will be a great actress.
Hannah needs to grow the hell up, she's whining over a man who does not want her.

I can't stop at five.

Hannah needs a little sister from China.
Hannah needs an intermediate to advanced confident rider who is gentle on the reins.
Hannah needs to sleep now, she cannot feel her feet.
Hannah needs her vaccinations, worm tablets, and flea control.
Hannah needs more than ten hours to paint a room.
Hannah needs Archer's help in making sense of her husband's mysterious death and the international forces pressuring her to sell Pearl Cove.
Hannah needs to tell Greg how much his behavior is bothering her.
Hannah needs space to mend the hurt of losing two brothers to the blizzard.
Hannah needs to prove her innocence.
Hannah needs to get to the Heart of the Mountain, but there are seemingly thousands of thieves standing in her way.
Hannah needs puppets and Jon needs change for the bus.

And my number one favourite:

Hannah needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.

I have nothing at all to do the next three days, besides read. Lucky summer's showed up - I got my first sunburn of the season on Sunday, which is always cause for celebration. Yeah. I decided today was a day for shorts, but sadly all my shorts are too big. And by sadly, I mean happily, for this gives me an excuse to go shopping. Roll on Thursday.

ranger_bernie @ 2005-10-22T13:36:00

2005-10-22T00:48:24Z

I finally found a way to take midnight walks without anyone freaking out about me being kidnapped (you know, besides doing it in a different country). Last night I was at Julie's cos she's down from Palmie, and I was craving some middle-of-the-night outdoorness. Plus I was a bit pissed off when they started watching Napoleon Dynamite again - not that I don't love that movie, but I don't have the attention span to watch the same film more than once in the same night. I didn't have my car cos Abe drove me there, so I made up some story about getting picked up and how I had to wait outside, and took off for a two-hour stroll. Man, I loved it. It's so long since I've done that.

I needed a bit of midnight air by then to keep me sane. I've had pretty much the blondest week of my entire life. Seriously, I can't believe how much my brain has stopped working lately - I keep forgetting to do things. Like, go to work. Ha. I checked my voicemail at six on Thursday, and there was a message from my boss. I called her back, and she said I'd said I would work for Aaron. I still don't remember arranging that, eh, but by the time I got there I was over three hours late. She thought it was funny though, besides it being pretty much the busiest night ever and me not being there to help out. They're really good sorts at my work.

Anyway, I know for sure I'm working tonight, and I have to get some food in me before I go. So, fare thee well.

Tip o' the day: you can't type with your nose with glasses on.

2005-10-17T22:39:34Z

IN ONE TRY...type your name with your...

Fingers: hannah o'byrne
One finger with eyes closed: hsnndj i;byrme
Cheek: j sx n fjn km;l nb hn cvx bnzs
Chin: hnazn nzabn op'byhrn e
Elbow: hannash o'byrne (it's really pointy)
Wrist: hannah ol'byrne
Palm: ghsanbnah o'byhrst5ne
Nose: hannah o'byrne
Foot: hannaah oo'byrnee (my big toe is a little vowel-happy)

ranger_bernie @ 2005-10-17T12:47:00

2005-10-17T00:08:48Z

In case I was ever in danger of becoming clucky, I attended my first-ever baby shower yesterday and sat in horror with fifty women oohing and aahing over little clothes. Sometimes they got onto truly terrible topics like stitches and special moist toilet tissue. Babies are nice and all, but I hope I never have to go to one of those things again. The only redeeming feature was the excellent berry cheesecake. Oh, and my friend's mother telling me that Sean was so pretty when he was a baby that everyone thought he was a girl, even though she always dressed him in blue. That's what I call ammunition.

Besides that awful afternoon, my weekend was pretty good. I was feeling very domestic and so many of my friends got to sample my self-saucing chocolate pudding and coconut ice. I hope they count themselves lucky, because that kind of productivity only happens when I'm avoiding an essay. Actually, that's all the time. There were also about five hours of Sing-Star on Playstation squeezed in there, at which I kicked ass. Yeah.

And then there was work, which was work. I'm expecting a $480 bonus for sales though, so that will be useful in my quest for a car. And as I sat there last night with a woman going off her nut at me (seriously, I've never heard anyone swear that much, ever) for someone else's mistake, I realised I actually didn't care. Finally, I'm immune!